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K-Tribe invokes curse to engineer promotion against…curse

Fans attending a Kinston Indians game in the coming homestand will receive a free ducat if the team wins or loses the game by a single run — as the franchise works to counter the dreaded UNO OHNO curse.

The Kinston Indians (High Class A; Carolina League) have been involved in 36 one-run games this season, compiling a record of 10-26 in one-run games  (the second most one-run losses in all of Minor or Major League Baseball). According to the team, the only logical explanation is that the 2009 Kinston Indians have been inflicted with the dreaded UNO OHNO curse. Therefore the Indians will try to appease the stitched spirits by giving back to the fans.

During the next K-Tribe homestand from August 3-9, if Kinston loses or wins a game by one-run, everyone in the ballpark gets a voucher for a free ticket to an upcoming K-Tribe game. One-run fun will break the UNO OHNO curse.

“At first we thought an appropriate response would be to sacrifice a pelican, hillcat and warthog at home plate in Historic Grainger Stadium to break the curse,” said voodoo expert and K-Tribe General Manager Shari Massengill. “But our Assistant GM is a member of PETA and weird about stuff like that. It also seems that all of the warthogs have mysteriously disappeared from North Carolina.”

Forged from the hell fires of baseball superstition, the UNO OHNO curse developed when a young and naïve game day intern commented “boy, we sure win a lot of close games” in the ninth inning of a one-run game between the Denver Dung Beetles and the Southside Northsiders of the Not Gunna MakeThe Pros League. The Southside Northsiders not only went on to lose that nights and the remaining 50 games of the NGMTP season by one-run, but also hit rock bottom with the terrible dizzy bat race accident involving their beloved mascot Mr. Stuffy.

“I don’t know how the UNO OHNO curse has been brought upon us,” exclaimed Massengill. “Maybe it is the fact that the Kinston Indians own the best winning percentage of any full season team in Minor League Baseball over the past 15 years. Maybe it’s our ridiculously inexpensive new Two Dollar Tuesday promotion, featuring $2 reserved seat tickets, burgers, beers and sodas for every Tuesday home game. Or maybe the bad karma was brought upon us do to something shady our radio guy Chris Hemeyer did in the offseason. Yep, definitely Hemeyer…..or Rodney Choy Foo.”

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